dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
