HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
