I need help removing her.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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