all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I believe in your delicious
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
