hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
