best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
