did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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