This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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