It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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