obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
