I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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