Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
