hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
