so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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