Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
