Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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