My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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