I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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