just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
