i jhust puked up my retainher.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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