I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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