If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
