i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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