She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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