he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
