nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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