you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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