return my video game
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
