I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
