omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
