O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Even my vagina gasped.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
