But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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