this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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