SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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