You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
