I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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