I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
