Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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