Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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