Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
