I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
