You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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