Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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