I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
