Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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