margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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