Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
