dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
