he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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