I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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