I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
