have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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