is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
