she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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