i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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