just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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