I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
