Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
