Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
