I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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