It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
