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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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