im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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