Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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