That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
