If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
