birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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