Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
