I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
