Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
