I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My life is pants optional.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
