Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
